Bittersweet

I’ve long feared you
Your acid tongue
Your horrid actions

You shaped me into
A fearful woman
Cringing from my past

Never feeling whole
Never feeling protected
Never feeling loved

As I grew, I rebelled
My tongue grew acidic
Yet my heart was raw

Somehow knowing
I was strong
Despite your words

Somehow believing
I was lovable
Despite your actions

I long ago vowed
To overcome
And I did

Yet over time, I faltered
Feeling unworthy
Hearing the hatred

Decades of ups and downs
And I finally understood
Yours was self-hate

I was an easy target
Exhibiting your traits
Both good and bad

Increasingly you tried
To beat me down
Words cutting to my core

Actions showing indifference
Knowing that even kindness
Would soon turn to anger

When I finally understood
I was at my weakest
But I spoke my truth

You attacked again
I ignored – my only
Remaining defense

Silence as I admitted
The battles I’d faced
Within myself

Standing strong, yet
Knowing something
Big was coming

Centered, praying
Feeling stronger
The blade struck

Numbness
Unable
To feel

Not knowing how
To react
I prayed

“Be strong.” “Do right.”
Support I’d
Never felt before.

It had always been there
But I’d been to afraid
To accept any help

Then a flippant comment
“You’ll finally be free.”
My heart burst open.

What a concept
Free to be me.
Free to be open.

What a horrid price to pay.
I watch your body fail.
My heart cries.

I pray for peace
I pray for comfort
I pray for freedom

Both of us
Will soon be free
Of this mess

We both built it
We both destroyed
Any hope of peace

I have always loved you
No matter what was said
I only wanted love back

Feeling empty yet
Confident that I have
Broken the cycle

Failing for years
I finally feel strong
Doing the right thing

I won’t miss the anger
I won’t miss the abuse
But I will forever miss you

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2 thoughts on “Bittersweet

  1. “We both built it
    We both destroyed” So many people can resonate with this. Your closing of the missing, well, it filled my heart with pure empathy. You have summarized this with all your heart and it reads clearly so. ***HUGS*** H.

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