I’m facing a really interesting situation – for me anyway. And I’m learning a new lesson (yet again).
Typically breakups are breakups. End of story. Perhaps in time a friendship can develop, but that’s not often the case.
I met a truly wonderful guy who is fighting some demons, but is determined to win the fight. Polite, chivalrous, intelligent, fun, great conversationalist. He meets all of the items on my “wish list.” Except for the demons part – but there is a positive side to that in regard to being aware of himself and wanting to improve. Oh, but he’s married to his job. Sigh
I’m sure most people would just say – eh, let go, move on. Yet… there’s something about him that is just compelling me to wonder if “our chapter” in life is open-ended.
Maybe I’m a glutton for punishment in holding on to situations that are dead ends, but I am getting better at that. I think Paulie D from “Jersey Shore” would call me a “Stage 5 Clinger” at times. Again – I’m getting better. 🙂
I tend to look for the best in people and see potential where I should just accept others for who they are. Is it a positive outlook in regard to how I see others? Or is it lack of self-worth that I will settle for things that just aren’t quite right? Maybe both? Is it a control issue? Is it loyalty gone extreme?
I see similar tendencies in friends and associates, so I know I’m not alone. And it’s so much easier to find the issues in relationships that I’m not a part of. Easier to be objective, to offer advice that you truly believe in. One thing that I’ve been preaching, but have found so hard to put into practice is holding on loosely. When I give myself, I give all of me. Unapologetically all in and I really don’t want to change it. I dream of the day I find a man who can overcome his own insecurities and offer me the same, so I stay true to myself. However, I know that can be overwhelming. I’m not the girl who calls every hour or needs to be with her guy 24/7 – I need my space. But, I want to know I’m on his mind.
I’m learning to live a more casual way of life – particularly after I learned the hard way last fall that if you cling too tightly everything will explode from the pressure. I think that this new kind of friendship with the guy I had met is teaching me this lesson – hold on loosely to give each other freedom to be who we want to be… without letting go.