Wake Up Calls

I have two beautiful, wonderful, amazing and stressful teen daughters. They’ve spewing negative comments and criticism seemingly non-stop since their dad and I split up last fall. I know divorce isn’t easy on anyone, but their words have been filled with anger and malice and it’s wearing me down.

After facing the ridiculousness of post-divorce life, the last thing I’ve needed is for my own kids to point out my shortcomings. Just when I think I’m on better ground with myself, there’s yet another comment pulling me backward.

I’m not proud to admit that I’ve been getting angry with them rather than talking it through. I’m sure that is a great deal of our difficulties.

Yes, they are kids. Yes, I am the parent. But, it just sucks some days. No matter which way you look at it. I don’t want to prevent them from expressing what they need to express. I’m the adult, I can think through what they really mean.

I had two major wake-up calls in 2013. Both were readjustments in our relationships for me and my girls.

In July, my oldest went on a vacation to the Adirondaks with a friend. She texts me on a Tuesday saying that she hurt her foot in a boating accident, but she’s okay. Two days later she is cranky as we text and then she tells me that she is unable to walk. Long story short, after the urgent care doctor said she needs to go to the hospital immediately, I drive 8 hours there on a Thursday night and 8 hours back home on Friday to take her to the emergency room. The doctors kept her overnight on IV antibiotics out of fear that she might have a fresh water bacteria (think of those stories in the news where people have had limbs amputated). I stayed with her the entire time, of course. Slept on a couch in her room. She took her fear out on me in the form of anger. I took it. I was patient. I was mom. Unfortunately her foot still isn’t back to “normal” and it’s been 6 months, but she has a foot and we got through it together. She is the luckiest girl that it was soft tissue damage and only a minor break. I had envisioned surgeries and pins when I first saw it. And I felt more like a parent than I had since my kids were infants. As they’ve grown we’ve become a family and have great, deep conversations, but not as much of the tender nurturing as when they were little.

In December, my younger daughter had brain surgery to (hopefully) prevent her version of the degenerative condition we share from progressing. She began to lose her speech during the summer and fought against it, as well as the headaches that have plagued her all of her life. I was the one who drove with her to Chicago to see the neurosurgeon three times before her surgery last year. I was the one who took time off from work (borrowed time from 2014) and stayed by her side for the 4 days in the hospital, as well as in the housing after she was discharged. We got through it together.

It’s my job to be there for my children. But, I’ve failed them more times than I can count due to various issues. I know I’m no different from any other parent, but the divorce hit all of us hard and they blame me for all of it. Because I was the parent who stayed by their side with no complaints, I know it left an impact – on all of us. Regardless of what happens, I am there for my children to the best of my ability. When they are in need, I will take care of them. Both of my girls needed to relearn that lesson and I needed to relearn what my priorities are.

Two of the greatest moments of the past year were when my daughters thanked me for being there for them. The best thank you was after surgery, my daughter, still hooked up to IVs, looked at me and said, “Thank you mommy for being here with me. I couldn’t have done this without you.” These children are what really matters in life. Having a surplus of money would be great. Taking a vacation every year would do me a world of good. But, being able to be a mom is the greatest gift I could ever imagine.

2 thoughts on “Wake Up Calls

Add yours

  1. Being Widowed for 10 years, I can really feel you. We are hurt so easily and the guilt is at times overwhelming. “I’ve failed” is a weekly statement I feed myself. We haven’t “failed” at all…..they have just “failed” to understand because they are too young. Your words are proof of your greatness 🙂 WONDERFUL news that your youngest has pulled through the OP with success!!!!! Go and enjoy your “new” year 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Patricia J Grace

Author of SHATTERED, a memoir of childhood sexual abuse

Logical Quotes

Logical and Inspirational quotes


#FlashMob Rules.

Expat Eye on Germany

Becoming German in 473,937,493 easy steps

Confessions of a Pseudo-Gaysian Suburban Dad

Thoughts on gender, race, parenting, and theater

And Then What Happened?

Stories written by Wendy Just

One Good Dad


Dr. Jen Gunter

Wielding the lasso of truth

Style and a Half

Vancouver-based illustrator, writer, style blogger

My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog

A writer's life, bare-knuckled, with a soundtrack.

An Unperfect Life

because perfection is overrated

Poet's Corner

Poems, poets, poetry, writing, poetry challenges

Our Er-Lee Arrivals (Preemie Mom)

Because Some Things In Life Come Early...


Sweet Musings with a Bitterly Sharp Wit

tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice

Mostly unfinished stories primarily produced as a direct result of my association with the OC Writers Guild


caffeinated thought process

Boring Broad's Adventures

mediocre at everything since 1984

Beauty Babe

Beautiful Girls


Survivor of Child Abuse - Member in Recovery


raised in foster care; thankful for grace.

luna tick eclipse

Swimming In the Mystery of All There Is

Laith's Ramblings

Random stuff from the pen of Laith Preston

∼ Reconstructing Christina ∼

A Collection of Muses, Madness or...Magic

Joe's Musings

"You become what you think" - Ralph Waldo Emerson. I think I am a writer, do you agree?

Inside of Love

No, this blog is not about love.


Turning Tears & Laughter into Words

Dreams and Demons

Can you hear the silence?

Natasha's Memory Garden

A fine WordPress.com site

Heart of the Wilds

When all else fails, we go to the woods.

Anxiety and the Girl

One girl's adventures overcoming anxiety to live!

hearts on sleeves club

If you wear your heart on your sleeve, join the club.

Holistic Wellness for Life

Live and eat mindfully. Discover the benefits of eating whole foods and heal from the inside! Let me support you to 'Eat Well & Live Well'.

Broken and Beautiful

My life with Chiari Malformation

Slightly Ignorant

Ilana Masad Writes

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

A Canvas Of The Minds

A unique collaboration of different perspectives on mental health and life

The Official Blog For Mental Health Project

Making mental health everyone's concern


Savor Kindness because cruelty is always possible later

Daily (w)rite


@Zebra Crossing

This WordPress.com site is "much ado about nothing";-)

Apoplectic Apostrophes

Confessions of a Grammar Ghoul

%d bloggers like this: