I’ve been gone from Word Press for over a month now while I reflected, analyzed, dealt with life, licked my wounds, took deep cleansing breaths. But, honestly, I’m not much different or a better person than I was a month ago. Sure, I had a brief relationship; my daughter had brain surgery; I’ve cleaned random things/places in my house that were in desperate need; lost my mind completely on someone (but the person finally “came clean”); started attending a support group (best decision I’ve made in a while); reconnected with some friends on a better level; started attending church services again; have decided that I have crazy manic energy manifesting itself now; and I’m practicing asking for and accepting help (a HUGE step forward for me).
Part of all of this is that I’m reevaluating what I am doing on Word Press also. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this before, but this started as a “I wonder if I can do this” kind of exercise for me. As a person who has always considered herself a writer, but was terrified of sharing her work, I finally did it (I type with a smile). I was able to share some of my thoughts, concerns and worries with “the public.” I’ve had this blog for just short of a year and I’ve learned quite a bit about myself and about life, in general. I haven’t had clear direction in regard to what I’ll write or when I’ll write it. But, as I mentioned… this crazy mania has overtaken me and I need to relearn how to focus.
That being said, I have realized that I do have a purpose for this blog. It’s become my journey back to me – finding myself again after ending an 18 year relationship. Ironically, I had started writing a book of sorts about 2 years ago that was going to be faux reality and loosely based on my friend and her life changes after leaving an abusive relationship. I had tentatively called it “1,000 Days to Joy” (Joy is the character’s name – maybe). Interestingly enough (for me, anyway), in the fall of 2012, I had a reading from a “gypsy” who had done readings for me in the past. He told me that it would take 3 years for things to calm down in my life and 3 years for me to really find myself where I want to be. Three years is 1,095 days, excluding leap years.
I’ve made it through the first year and have thrashed around endlessly, cried seemingly millions of tears, had what I’d consider a breakdown and spent endless hours thinking and lamenting. Whew! I’m past the 400 day mark and am seeing some light blue skies again – still many clouds, but there is blue. I’ve refocused some parts of my life and have purged my home of a ridiculous amount of clutter. I hope I’ve learned many of the lessons put in front of me. (It seems I keep coming up against more challenges, so I’ll assume I have learned and am moving onward and upward.)
I want to start this year with a “Thank You!” to anyone who has read my writing and therefore given me a little parcel of solid ground in this unpredictable and ever-changing landscape that is my life. I am moving forward with a still very cloudy concept of where I am headed, but my goals are becoming clearer and my focus has a starting point. My goal for The Forgetful Genius is to post at least 150 times this year – we’ll see how I do. I’m going to update my “about me,” leave my past behind me and trudge on forward. Thanks for sticking around!