Honesty is such a lonely word

Everyone is so untrue.

Ahhhh Billy Joel, what an amazing song.

I’m struggling with the lack of honesty in the world. I strive to be a good person. I follow the rules. I don’t force my beliefs on anyone else. I’m very much a live and let live kind of woman.

Yet, as I look around me, I see dishonest people getting ahead. Continually.

I’m not perfect, nor would I want to be, but where is the “payoff” for following the rules and doing the “right” thing? I’m not talking the “right” thing in the sense of my way, I’m talking about obeying the law, telling the truth, keeping your promises.

I’m listening to a lot of guided meditations lately trying to regain some peace. I’m still not finding the peace I so very much desire. So much of inner peace has to do with letting go and being true to yourself.

I’ll confess – I’m struggling with something (as if my depressing writing hasn’t been a clue). I know I’m foolish and obsessing, but it just doesn’t make sense. The guy who broke up with me 2 months ago gave me three different reasons for the break (obvious honesty issue here) for the break – which came while the roses he bought me (“Just because – oh and I love you” read the card) were still alive and well. One reason was because he was stressed. One was because he decided his soulmate is someone he’d known for years. The third was that he had issues with me.

Bear in mind that fewer than 5 days before he broke up with me he told me that a woman he works with made plans to go skydiving with him (I can’t skydive due to medical concerns and I don’t want to die) AND he was going to help her son with homecoming the last weekend we were together. (Silly me was at his house the day of the dance and saw that he had bought the corsage for the date. What was that?)

Now… I’ve been beating myself up a bit trying to fix what he criticized, then I learn that he and the woman who he (also) claimed had no part of our breakup are now heading on vacation together in January. huh

So… I’m meant to believe that they didn’t have something going on while we were dating, but less than 2 months after our break, they’re going out of the country together. Something just doesn’t add up. I’m not that stupid.

Now that I’ve put this out there and gotten it off my chest… I am a little better. Eh. Marginally. 

Who tells someone they love them and are planning a future, then dumps them days later? Dishonest people.

I certainly don’t have the corner of the market on crap like this. I have several friends who are going through ridiculously long divorces and their husbands cheated on them (sometimes for years). My silly short little relationship doesn’t even compare.

I’ve long held the beliefs that

  • If you are unhappy in your relationship, get out.
  • Don’t start a new relationship before the one you’re in has ended.

I’m not 100% innocent in all of this since I cheated on a high school boyfriend (after he cheated on me) and I was “the other woman” with a man (when I was in my 20s) who was in the process of leaving his wife. Maybe I’m justifying that I was young. But, at least I admit that I was wrong.

Now that we are in our mid-life, what is the point of sneaking around? Are people afraid of losing some of their money? Is happiness worth all of that? Or is it the thrill of the forbidden? I’m going for all of those answers.

I wrote a while ago about relationship contracts and how we should be able to “opt out” after a certain amount of time.

I’m proposing that this extends to dating, not just marriage.

For example,

  • If you tell someone you love them – you have to wait at least a week without saying it before you break up.
  • Under no circumstances can you break up before flowers you sent are dead.
  • If you have plans together – you cannot break up less than a week before those plans (for example, a charity dinner).
  • If you are eyeing someone else up – for the love of God! don’t keep telling the person you are with that you love them.
  • If you have doubts about the relationship, slow the hell down and don’t make plans months into the future – certainly not in the following year.
  • If you are 40 or older (really 35+) – grow up and talk things out if there are issues.
  • NEVER, I mean NEVER break up via text if you are above the age of 15.

Really, I guess it just comes down to being true to your word. Being honest. Being mature enough to have a relationship. Having respect and courtesy for someone who gave you time and energy.

I was fooled this time. I will look for the signs next time, but I hope to find a man out there who is a MAN, not a boy pretending to be grown. 




3 thoughts on “Honesty is such a lonely word

  1. When I ventured forth into the world, newly married at age 19, I believed everyone told the truth. How naive is that? Shock after shock proved me very wrong. I’ve reached that age now when I treasure my proven friends and family and allow others to go their way. Once you have found your own truth, stick to it.

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