Whoever comes along deserves your best

You have to accept whatever comes and the only important thing is that you meet it with courage and with the best you have to give.  – Eleanor Roosevelt


Several years ago while I was having issues in my marriage and contemplating my next steps, I began doing some research about relationships. Soliciting details from friends and friends of friends regarding what happens behind closed doors. I was planning on compiling all of the information, along with my own relationship theories, in a book. Unfortunately, my research partner was involved in a near fatal motorcycle accident and I lost momentum.

Looking back now and understanding how some of those relationships are no longer or have changed, I’ve learned an incredible amount about partnerships, but still have no idea how to manage them. What makes them work? What makes them fail? I have some ideas about ensuring that you and your partner grow together and communicate. Besides that, even some of the seemingly best relationships don’t last.

I’ve watched marriages and relationships fail. Often. I’ve seen relationships where they have an open relationship, but maybe both partners don’t realize it. Infidelity runs rampant and abuse (in all forms) is far more common than anyone realizes. We always need to bear in mind that we never know what goes on behind closed doors. Any stories we hear are strictly one-sided – no matter how impartial the storyteller seems. To complicate it more, each of us comes with different perspectives due to different life experiences and our resulting personal bias and we’ll interpret things our own way as we listen – as an outsider or as part of the partnership.

I do believe in the power of positive thinking and working hard to reach goals. However, no matter how much effort we put into another person, we have no control over them. Nor should we. This is where the accepting of situations comes in. We can give something our all and still fail. We need to find compromises and keep communication flowing so that these failures aren’t hits taken from the side with no way to protect ourselves. Communication helps cushion the blow. At least it should.

When relationships fail – for whatever reason – it takes both people to keep it civil. Lies, misleading comments and hurtful comments get no one anywhere. The key is to continue to treat the other person respectfully. WAY harder to do than to say. When my marriage failed, I was the one to walk away. I tried to be respectful to him, but I failed because of my anger and my hurt. I took full responsibility for my decision to end the marriage, but held onto the disappointment and frustration of broken dreams. I’m sure most divorced people can relate to that. It’s now been a year and I’m still frustrated after a year of setbacks and high hurdles. But, all in all, I’ve kept saying to myself, “Things WILL get better,” and they have on some fronts. I’m incredibly fortunate.

I’m disappointed in myself with how I handled my recent breakup with a guy I knew just months. In no way did I approach the breakup rationally. Everything was perfect one day, then a week later, he was done. Blindsided, I was. It took me a while to accept and I went through all of the steps of healing – Shock, Pleading (I don’t think I did this), Anger, Sadness, Acceptance. Oh… forgiveness – I’m still working on that one. I know I overreacted to him. But, apparently, there were issues that I had no idea existed and, as a result, his heart was open to meet someone else.

One common theme in many breakups I’ve witnessed is the lack of communication – one of the people in the relationship is unaware that problems exist while the other is making plans to exit. It’s all perspective – what we are looking for within our situation and either we focus on the positive or focus on the negative. I, for one, tend to look for the best within people and will remain fiercely loyal. But once trust is gone, it’s gone. Lack of trust and dependability are dealbreakers for me. I’m a good communicator, but I do hold back with anything that displeases me because I don’t want to hurt the other person or criticize and push my views on anyone. I fear rejection, as most people do, so I edit communications. Grand epiphany there. Don’t most of us do the same in our relationships? We don’t want to hurt anyone with our opinions or way of doing things, so we compromise by letting things go – which is a wonderful thing. But when we do that and allow frustration or disappointment build up within us, it become destructive.

Open communication – being able to talk without fear of anger, a reprimand, tears, disappointment, as well as giving your partner the respect he/she deserves to be who they are – these are the keys to a successful relationship. We should never control another person or expect him/her to change to meet our needs. We all are who we are. We can edit ourselves, adapt and learn different ways of doing things, but we also need the freedom to be who we are – with no fear.

As we go along our journeys in life, we’ll be faced with different interpersonal challenges. We have no way of knowing what they all are in advance. We just need to learn to roll with the punches and smile at the positives. Shoulders back. Chin up. Hands relaxed and at our sides – always ready for a hug. Eyes and ears open. Analyze all you want, but keep the communication flowing and give the person you are with your best effort. Don’t we all deserve that?


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

Patricia J Grace

Author of SHATTERED, a memoir of childhood sexual abuse

Logical Quotes

Logical and Inspirational quotes


#FlashMob Rules.

Expat Eye on Germany

Becoming German in 473,937,493 easy steps

Confessions of a Pseudo-Gaysian Suburban Dad

Thoughts on gender, race, parenting, and theater

And Then What Happened?

Stories written by Wendy Just

One Good Dad


Dr. Jen Gunter

Wielding the lasso of truth

Style and a Half

Vancouver-based illustrator, writer, style blogger

My Blog Can Beat Up Your Blog

A writer's life, bare-knuckled, with a soundtrack.

An Unperfect Life

because perfection is overrated

Poet's Corner

Poems, poets, poetry, writing, poetry challenges

Our Er-Lee Arrivals (Preemie Mom)

Because Some Things In Life Come Early...


Sweet Musings with a Bitterly Sharp Wit

tnkerr-Writing Prompts and Practice

Mostly unfinished stories primarily produced as a direct result of my association with the OC Writers Guild


caffeinated thought process

Boring Broad's Adventures

mediocre at everything since 1984

Beauty Babe

Beautiful Girls


Survivor of Child Abuse - Member in Recovery


raised in foster care; thankful for grace.

luna tick eclipse

Swimming In the Mystery of All There Is

Laith's Ramblings

Random stuff from the pen of Laith Preston

∼ Reconstructing Christina ∼

A Collection of Muses, Madness or...Magic

Joe's Musings

"You become what you think" - Ralph Waldo Emerson. I think I am a writer, do you agree?

Inside of Love

No, this blog is not about love.


Turning Tears & Laughter into Words

Dreams and Demons

Can you hear the silence?

Natasha's Memory Garden

A fine WordPress.com site

Heart of the Wilds

When all else fails, we go to the woods.

Anxiety and the Girl

One girl's adventures overcoming anxiety to live!

hearts on sleeves club

If you wear your heart on your sleeve, join the club.

Holistic Wellness for Life

Live and eat mindfully. Discover the benefits of eating whole foods and heal from the inside! Let me support you to 'Eat Well & Live Well'.

Broken and Beautiful

My life with Chiari Malformation

Slightly Ignorant

Ilana Masad Writes

Mostly Bright Ideas

Some of these thoughts may make sense. But don't count on it.

A Canvas Of The Minds

A unique collaboration of different perspectives on mental health and life

The Official Blog For Mental Health Project

Making mental health everyone's concern


Savor Kindness because cruelty is always possible later

Daily (w)rite


@Zebra Crossing

This WordPress.com site is "much ado about nothing";-)

Apoplectic Apostrophes

Confessions of a Grammar Ghoul

%d bloggers like this: