I’m a huge believer in signs. Indications that I’m on the right or wrong path. That is what made the breakup of my last relationship so difficult. All signs pointed to us being compatible for the long haul. Although my gut had told me differently, I chose to look at the positive signs. Silly me. Yes, there were signs that we weren’t compatible, too, but…
Anyway, the one marriage related ring I kept after my divorce is an anniversary band that my ex gave me on our 5th anniversary. Right after I started dating my ex-boyfriend my anniversary band went missing. It had crossed my mind that he might have taken it, but I didn’t think so. I had more faith in him than to pursue that fleeting thought. I looked everywhere in my house – all of my hiding places and places more obvious. It was nowhere.
Along with my missing anniversary band, I was missing 2 other rings that I had recently worn (within the last 2 months) and my grandmother’s jewelry box had gone missing about a year ago. I was so very sad to have lost all of those items and was beating myself up over it. My house isn’t in pristine shape nor is it dilapidated, but is a work in progress as am I. I’m still cleaning through my house from our move into it three years ago and still cleaning out things that belonged to my ex-husband, as well as toys my kids have outgrown. However, I’m very careful with my jewelry – particularly those pieces with significant meanings behind them.
I went on a manic cleaning spree this past weekend. I had already had one of these days a few weeks back and I think it’s my way of getting my life back into order and dealing with all of the stress I’ve been under. It works to relieve the stress, if only for a short time, but there is such great satisfaction in throwing old things out and donating usable things.
While I was in my basement purging boxes of old items that should never have made the move from PA to OH, there it was… My grandma’s jewelry box. She passed away 15 years ago and, although the jewelry in it is mostly costume quality, there are pieces of her life in it and it still smells like her home. It’s so very comforting. I have to admit that I cried a few tears of joy and jumped up and down I was so thrilled to have found it. My younger daughter quickly took it into the other room following strict instructions to put everything back and perused items owned by a great-grandmother she never met.
For one reason or another, that daughter has recently begun loving elephants (it was frogs for the longest time). Hidden in the trays in the jewelry box is an elephant charm that she has claimed as her own and I’ll gladly give to her. I feel that it is a sign from my grandma that she is with my daughter as we countdown to her brain surgery in December.
I continued my cleaning upstairs in my dining room finally organizing school supplies and some old mail that had ended up on my table. As I reached the end of the items, I located the metal trays I had purchased to organize my pen/junk drawer in the kitchen. In those trays, safely nestled were two rings I had been searching for and a pair of earrings. My smile could not have been bigger. I was well on my way to otherworldly affirmation that my life is on track. I’ve been asking for some sort of coincidences or indications that I’m going in the right direction. I was having those moments continually when I was dating my ex-boyfriend, but when he broke up with me, all of those affirmations from the universe stopped and it seems it has rained on me ever since. I needed something to show me that I am somewhere close to where I am to be and haven’t derailed myself completely.
Later that evening, my daughter and I were in my room again looking through my grandma’s jewelry box. I mentioned to her that I wanted to show her the rosaries from my grandma and my great-aunt, so I walked over to my jewelry box, opened the correct drawer (one that I had looked in repeatedly recently) and there was my diamond ring. I burst into tears and thanked my grandma, God and all of my angels for giving me a three-for-three day. I’ve felt so lost recently and the missing items have just added to my negativity about my life. I feel like I am getting back to me finally.
I can’t help but think that my grandma orchestrated all of this. I had looked in every nook of my jewelry box for my diamond ring and it was nowhere to be found. Yet, on a day where I get her jewelry back and am speaking of her so intently, my ring appears again. Perhaps she took it for a while because she was not happy with my choice in a boyfriend and now that he’s gone, I can get back to me?
She’s done this before to me. She had given me a crocheted rosary 20 years ago that disappeared for about five years. A month or two after my ex-husband moved out, I found that rosary in an empty purse in my closet. A purse I had used recently and was empty when I hung it up. I believe she knew I was unhappy in my marriage and took the rosary for a while until things cleared up in my life. I know she ultimately wants me to be happy and giving it back was her way of showing me that she still looks over me.
While I don’t think of her as often as I should, I tell my kids about her, but need to do more sharing of stories. My grandma was an amazing woman with whom I always celebrated my birthday because hers was 3 days after mine. She was a tough cookie and I respected and loved her so very much. Losing her was a tough blow to me. I love these signs that she gives me from time to time to let me know that she’s still with me. I could not be more thankful.