Which blog post made me the most nervous to post?
I have two actually.
One of my earlier posts (What I Deserve…) was cathartically painful to write and incredibly painful for me to read. I barely edited it. I still can’t read it closely. It opened up thoughts and experiences from my former marriage that I had buried. As soon as I wrote it, I put all of those thoughts back into the hole in my memory and covered them up again. I know, I know it’s best to deal with things rather than bury them. And while I realize I’m not a survivor of physical abuse, I am still incredibly raw from the emotional neglect and what many would term “emotional abuse” I lived with for nearly two decades.
The post only scratches the surface of my hidden feelings, but it gave me a glimpse of what it was like to try to release the hurt I hide. I guess I’m just not ready yet.
The second post that was difficult to publish was a recent one about friends of mine (Dedicated To My Italian Friends). I don’t often speak of my friendships with these men, who are married, because I don’t want anyone to second guess the relationships. Lines are drawn, in permanent marker, in the sand and we don’t cross them. I would not want anyone to question my intent or theirs. But I wanted to express my thanks to the universe that I am blessed with them.