Looking Back

I’m not sure what my goal was when I began this blog earlier in the year. I guess it was part of “finding myself” again as a newly single woman after ending an 18 year relationship (16 year marriage). I’ve always considered myself a writer, but never had the thick skin needed to put my writing “out there” for public consumption. I’ve written a lot on my own – which I rarely share – and written extensively for business. But this blog was a HUGE step/risk/free-fall for me in regard to taking that leap and opening myself up. I’m thankful I did it.

While The Forgetful Genius is not widely popular, apparently, I show up on web searches and it brings readers here. Very cool. My own press, not just press for the business news I’ve written. It’s all about me. Overwhelming, flattering and just really wonderful for my non-existant ego.

I’m not sure how other bloggers feel about their writing, but this has been a journal of sorts for me. While sporatic, I can look back and see where I was months ago. Interesting stuff for me and I’m certainly hoping I’ve touched some people.

Last week (beginning of October), I marked one year since I began this journey as a newly single woman. It’s been one hell of a year marked with financial craziness and desperation; loneliness; the possibility of being unemployed while needing every last penny to support my children and our mini-zoo; sadness; emptiness; and yet incredible highs that I hadn’t felt in years.

I want to let anyone else who is going through a divorce that there is light at the end of the tunnel. You will feel desperate, you will second-guess yourself, you will doubt all of your decisions. But… if you stay the course and follow what is in your heart you will find yourself in an incredible new world. You will find you.

Looking at some of my friends who are currently going through long, drawn-out divorces, I’m thankful to my ex who didn’t contest anything. I know I had it pretty easy in that regard. But, the emotions, draining days of frustration and continual re-evaluation seem to be standard, no matter how long the process. But, as others who have walked this road before me had advised – some time filled with tears will pass and it will be better. They were right.

I am free. I am me. Unapologetically me. (Ok, that’s not quite true because I’m still trying to find more self-confidence.)

This process has shown me what I had forgotten – I am capable. Of anything.

I am thankful I took the step to get out of a relationship that no longer worked. And would never improve. I am now feeling better about myself than I have. Whether in a new relationship or not, I’m calmer, stronger and just a better version of who I had been .

I am thankful I began this blog – it has given me the confidence to write more. I am now writing and managing a blog for a local business, as well as doing some great editing and writing work for other organizations.

I am thankful I can set goals again and not worry about someone being negative about all of my dreams and the steps I take to achieve them. If I fail, it’s on me, not because I gave up because the daily fight wasn’t worth the dream.

I am thankful I’ve learned to open myself up again. Believe me, like any other person whose had a failed marriage, I have quite a bit of mis-matched baggage I carry with me. But I’m learning to put it away and not make my baggage the biggest part of me. I offer a lot and am finding my self-worth again.

If you are going through the process of ending a relationship – keep your chin up, but cry when you need/want to. The storm will pass, then the brightness in your new life will unveil things you had never imaged. Give yourself time. Rediscover things you had enjoyed. Learn to roll with things and always keep moving forward. Before you realize you’ll look back and be astounded by the difference in you and your life.

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