I recently published a post about impatience and online dating. I mentioned how the most recent guy I dated found me wonderful, but also found his deal breaker with me. I’m still sad.
I’m more of a let’s see how things work kind of person. I don’t know that I’m looking for forever right now, but if it happens to come along, I can’t say I’d be unhappy about that.
His deal breaker with me was distance between our homes and the time it would take before we could do anything about that. I understand. I really do. Kids come first for me, not a guy I’ve known for two months.
I do have some deal breakers I’ll put right out there (and I know so much has been written about online dating in other blogs), but these are the few I’ve come across and am not able to overlook:
Horrific grammar and spelling. While I know I’m uptight about this, I can’t see myself with someone who tells me “I seen my friend,” or really can’t string together coherent thoughts.
That picture with the middle finger extended. Really? You’re such a badass in your 40s that you can flip someone off. Right back at ya.
Impatience. (I acknowledge I have no patience either.) I have kids. I am a mom. No one will ever rank higher in my life than they do. My daughter recently got injured and a guy wouldn’t take “give me a few days” for a response. I can just see my future should I date him – he’d want me to skip my daughter’s wedding because he has the sniffles. No.
Half naked pictures. I think I mentioned this in a post before – If I’m going to see you naked, you better have AMAZING 12-pack abs and huge biceps. Otherwise, we’re all a little softer and heavier than we were in our 20s and a picture is not going to turn me on or make me want to date you.
15 pictures of your car and/or motorcycle. Yea you. You own vehicles. Is that what defines you?
Pictures of you guzzling beer. Ummmm…. Ya. You go with your bad self, Mr 45-year old Fraternity Guy!
All unsmiling pictures. Are you mad, mean, crabby or just unhappy? Maybe you have no teeth… hmmmmmm
Constant references to sex. Sure most of us want to have a partner, but that’s not going to happen within the first hour of meeting you. So, just keep it in your pants while we talk.
Pictures of the same t-shirt over and over again. You don’t have to be the best dresser in the world, but if we’re going to talk, I need to know that you own at least more than one Black Sabbath t-shirt.
Clinginess. I go on the online sites to find a date. I’m not there to find a new friend. I won’t text you every 10 minutes (maybe once an hour). Give me room to breathe.
Boring job. Now this is very superficial and subjective. But, I know me. I won’t be happy with someone who has had the same job since high school and has no aspirations. I’m sure there is someone out there for someone like that, but it’s just not me.
On the flip side of my negativity, what I like in a person and would like to see more of:
Kindness. I don’t want someone I can walk on, just someone who is considerate.
Laughter and smiles. Life is tough many days, laughter is the best way to get through it.
Goals achieved and some set. This is one I need to review for myself. I’ve done some good things, but need to do more – for me, not bragging rights. If you have been stagnant for the last 15 years, I’ll be bored.
Curiosity and a thirst for knowledge. No one needs to be a doctor (although that would be nice), but maybe read a book once in a while. Learn to cook. Take a class. Start a new hobby. Be interested and interesting.
Strong in character. I don’t want to lead the charge 24/7. I do that with my kids. I want someone who can make decisions and stick by them. Not a dictator, just willing and able to take the lead at times. This runs right along with – can manage on his own. Not just manage, but succeed, thrive.
Family oriented. I hate to say it, but I don’t think I can date men without kids. People without kids just don’t understand how I’ll drop everything for my babies.
In looking over my list, the things I’m looking for take time to find and prove – it’s not something you can say that will convince me that you are curious. It’s how a person acts, what their interests are, what they do. And that takes time to discover.
I’ve been on one date where we both knew the moment we met that it wouldn’t work. We had great conversations via email, but there was no connection physically. His pictures were not who he was. Sad. He had a great personality via text and email. Just not in person.
Profiles allow the reader about 15 seconds to assess whether there might be interest. Pictures add a few more seconds. If you can’t hook a person’s interest in that amount of time, it just won’t happen. Which goes back to my entire concept of the lack of patience in dating. Such a vicious cycle.