Overwhelmed and Cutting the Grass

In the oddest moments that feeling creeps up on me and jumps on my head. Not my back, not grabbing my arm. My head. Smothering my head – not my face, mind you, just the rest of my head. But, sometimes it will grab onto my forehead in a death grip.

There’s really nothing huge in my life that is bothering me. Well… besides a recent divorce, needing a permanent job, paying a pile of bills, two teenagers in the house (plus a preteen), needing insurance and neurosurgeon appointments for one of my kids…. Pfffft easy stuff.

But really, overall, we’re healthy. We’re getting happier. We have a home. I have A job, just not THE job. I have some truly amazing friends that I don’t see often enough, but they’re wonderful.

My blessings far outnumber anything that is facing me. But, it becomes difficult, for any of us, at times when we think of all of tasks in front of us.

If there is a “trick,” I think it’s just to stay focused and do your best to keep your chin up.

I recently have seen a beautiful post about nature being better than any therapist and I have to agree in a way. Therapy allows us to focus on ourselves and our problems. Hear a different viewpoint or have questions posed to help us consider alternatives. It’s very cathartic. Yet, I quit therapy because I got frustrated. How many times can I talk about what’s bothering me and be stuck, unable to move forward due to a plethora of reasons. Whereas going outside and breathing in the air… Listening to the sounds of leaves rustling above… Feeling the wind on your face… I can’t say I know of a better stress reliever. It’s cleansing. Purifying.

The daily overwhelmed feeling I’ve been having is tough to combat. But, I’ve oddly found cutting the one acre of grass around my home with a push mower some of the best therapy ever. (I loved my riding mower, but when it broke, I couldn’t afford a new one. So, I got a push mower.) I have had the best conversations with myself as I’m cutting the grass. Things are becoming clearer. All I’m doing is walking, following the path of the grass I just cut and contemplating. I think it’s the air, the wind, the exercise (that’s for sure), plus the bonus of looking around and seeing a job complete. It’s amazing.

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Honestly, despite the late hour, I’m feeling that horrible feeling creeping across my shoulders and my upper back. Breathing through it, I try to calm the discussions continually just below my current thoughts. I’d love to go cut the lawn right now (at 11:30 at night) just to clear my head. But, I like my neighbors.

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5 thoughts on “Overwhelmed and Cutting the Grass

  1. Your writing is so meaningful! I share your difficulties and wish I could help , somehow ….
    (Does it help if I tell you that I spent a period of my life just the same way and now I’m much better?)
    Life itself fixes it all sometimes!

  2. You DO have some very wonderful friends!! 😉 Couldn’t agree more about being out in nature, I absolutely love it! Sitting by a creek, hearing the gurgle of the water, feeling the sun of your face, or sitting out in a field at night counting the stars, maybe even being lucky enough to see a shooter…hands down the best stress reliever ever! And now I really am contemplating getting a rider or a walk-behind mower. Good thoughts on the no-mowing at 11:30pm. Although I never quite went out that late, I have had to turn on the flood lights to finish. My neighbors did not like me!

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