I don’t like weekends I’m home alone without my kids. I just don’t. I know I need the mental break and above all, they need to see their father. But when I’m alone, my mind wanders too much.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on life. Where I’ve been and where I want to be. Also where I thought I’d be by now.
Lamenting about missed opportunities.
It’s such a useless way to spend time. I am who I am. I am where I am. The past is over. What I need to be thinking about is where to do from here. Start setting plans again. I’m just out of the habit.
This weekend I’m cleaning through boxes that were never opened when my ex-husband and I moved into this house. Old clothing. Paperwork that can be recycled or burned. Pictures. Too many memories.
It’s just adding to my melancholy mood.
A friend called it “Cathartic Cleaning.” Yes. That’s what I’m doing. Cleaning out the old to just make room. Not for new in regard to stuff. Just to give myself more air. More whitespace. It’s desperately needed.
My life has been in such disarray for so long and just unsettled. I need some solid ground on which to walk. With each box I sort though, I feel like I have a more solid foundation.
I know this will take some time, but it’s necessary.
Back to more cleaning. To clearing the way for my future.