You want to do what to my what? Yea me!

I have to say that I didn’t realize how entertaining people would find online dating adventures.

Some days I laugh hysterically at the things I read and others it just makes me cry in frustration.

Still licking my wounds from my divorce and my ridiculous lack of self-esteem, I just want someone to like me. Isn’t that what everyone wants deep down? One of the core needs?

I may bitch and moan and whine and complain for a few days every other week or so, but I really have never been one to stay down for long. I know I need to keep myself moving. (I still need to tell the story about how I broke my finger and knee and still went for a mule ride before going to the hospital. Yes, an animal, don’t be all dirty since I’m talking about dating.)

Honestly, I know I’m not ready for a relationship. I have a lot of work to do on myself. A lot of detoxing. A lot of weight loss. A lot of just learning how to be happy being me.

BUT… I also know that I need massive amounts of attention and entertainment. I always have. So… online dating seems reasonable.

The rejection online isn’t quite so personal. Men are rejecting me based on pictures and a paragraph or two of information. They really don’t know ME. And, really, I’m doing the same to them.

Have I mentioned how much I hate dating and I really suck at it, too?

Anyway, I digress…

I need to reiterate that I haven’t been at this dating thing long and I have shared a short story or two in some of my other blogs, but I’d like to highlight a few other interesting happenings in my life of online dating.

  • I met Santa right before Christmas. We had a nice lunch, but then he stuck his tongue down my throat when he walked me out to my car. And he texted me that he “rubbed one out” after lunch because I’m so hot. I don’t think Christmas will ever be the same.
  • One guy clearly stated on his profile that any woman he meets must be employed. Ironic that he has been unemployed for more than six months and still living with his wife (he’s not even separated) since he has no cash to live elsewhere.
  • One cute younger guy kept emailing me because he forgot that he already had – asking if I’d had my rebound guy yet. All he was looking for was sex and in his late 30s had never had a relationship longer than a year. He was preying on all recently divorced/separated women. I emailed with him one night, just for entertainment and one of the funniest things about him was how he didn’t even want to know my name. He was cute. I bet he made a lot of women happy. Not my style.
  • My profile is pretty clear that I’m a liberal type person. Yet, I got an email from a guy who stated, “I don’t date outside of my race.” It took every ounce of self-control to not respond to him and rip him apart – intelligently. To tell him my sister is black (my “twin” sister is) and that I’m also part Jewish – both true. To just toy with him additionally and draw out all of the racist crap that was just brewing in his head.
  • Not that I’ve been on the receiving end of many of these yet, but the almost naked pictures are a trip! I told one guy that although he had a fantastic ass, I would have preferred to have seen it in person the first time and probably after we had been dating for a bit. Not after 2 days of emails.

By far, one of the funniest profiles I ever saw was this guy who was quite hot. I can’t even say attractive – just HOT. He would change his profile “tag line” every week or so and one of them was about not having a snow plow for his truck, but he’d “plow your ass real good.” I couldn’t help but laugh and keep reading the rest of his profile and how he was simply on the site to “bang all the hot chicks.” He actually emailed me once. YEA ME! I made the cut! (No, I didn’t respond.) I wish I could remember what his profile name was though. That was some great reading. And the pictures were nice, too. Truly great for my non-existent ego that I heard from him.  🙂

I have friends that have found good men online (and I have found one or two), so I have hope that one day (probably not online), I’ll meet someone again. In the meantime, while I work on me and continue the healing process, I will continue this entertainment. Just because.  Besides… I haven’t told you about “the naked attorney,” yet.


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