This game we call “dating”

As a recent divorcee (again cue the 70s music), I haven’t been at “this dating thing” long, but I’m a fairly quick learner at what feels right and what definitely doesn’t.

Some people quickly let you know what is “off” whether it is simply mismatched interests or life direction. Others take a little longer before you can pinpoint what exactly “it” is.

I’ve only met a few men in person, but have had quite a few conversations in the past several months. Out of all of the conversations I’ve met a couple of pretty decent guys. One, unfortunately wanted kids and that ship has sailed for me. While, in theory, I’d love more kids, mine are independent and I don’t really want to go back to diapers. One of them I’ve been seeing on and off for a few months. We have a lot of fun, but there’s just something that doesn’t 100% click for either of us. But I’m learning to enjoy things and try to take things day by day.

It’s been interesting to read between the words said to determine which guys are really just looking for a sex buddy or one night stands while they claim they want more.

Amazingly, I’ve only just, as of today, determined that one was married. It surprises me that he was the only one so far, but it took me several days to figure out what was “off.”

The fascinating part was that he gave me so much information it was easy to find details about him online. And even easier to do enough research to find pictures of him with his family and references to his wife. I gave him an opportunity to “come clean,” yet he dug the hole deeper. It became like a game to me. And he lost. In the matter of a few minutes, his lies got worse and I “busted” him. It was then that he tells me that I’m wrong for looking him up.

Obviously, I will never talk to him again. Thankfully.

I’m a single mom. I don’t want to end up in a dumpster somewhere. I will do background research, unapologetically. Particularly when something doesn’t feel right.

Shame on him for betraying his family and getting angry when he gets caught.

I guess in cyberland, this is the game we play.

I know I’ve mentioned this before how we never know who is on the other side of the computer screen. We don’t know the voice on the other end of the texts. There is a great show on about people who have cyber relationships for years and never meet — typically because they are being scammed. I don’t know how someone can do that, but I’m more aggressive and distrusting, I suppose.

Dating when I was a teen and in my 20s was so much different. Different rules. A completely different game.

With all of the means of communication now and different ways to meet people, it’s so difficult to determine who a person is. Being at the age of the “mid-life crisis” adds even more complications, as does 20+ years of experiences we have under our belts.

I am thankful for my super-sleuth skills and the internet for helping me learn about people. Maybe it sounds a little like I’m being underhanded, but today was a perfect example of how it saved me from getting involved with someone not worthy of my energy and effort. I’d rather find out now who a person is than invest myself in him.

The game has completely changed and I don’t want to lose.


6 thoughts on “This game we call “dating”

  1. WOW! I find it ridiculous (although, not surprising) that guy tried to make you feel wrong for looking him up. That’s like my ex-boyfriend whom I caught cheating on me and he somehow talked me into believing it was my fault, and I should’ve felt badly for finding out about his indiscretions. You did the right thing to walk away, you don’t need that! 🙂

    • Thanks!
      People are nuts! I lived with (my ex) a man who tripped over his own lies for 18 years. I trained myself to ignore those that weren’t worth fighting over. But I won’t get into another relationship like that again.

      The other “game” I played with the guys on one online dating site was how quickly I could pick off the foreign men who would, I’m sure, eventually ask for money. I highly doubt I’m making their hearts go pitter-patter out of their chests with just one glance at my picture. And that I’m the first woman who has made them feel that way. Funny stuff!!

  2. Oooooo you are braver than I am… I think I’m opting for divorced crazy cat lady rather than date ever again. Thanks for the comment over on my site… it led me to yours and I LOVE! 🙂

    • Thank you for coming over! 🙂

      I’m quasi-dating crazy, divorced, cat guy. He’s entertaining. He feeds the neighborhood feral cats.

      I look at online dating as entertainment. It’s all in the perspective. 🙂

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