It’s been interesting all the advice I’ve received post-divorce about going out and just hooking up — with everyone. Sowing oats and letting loose and all that. After 18 years of being with one person I’m “entitled.”
I’m just not that person. Never was. Never will be.
I met someone nice a couple months ago. I had a short relationship. And now it’s over. I’m sad. Not weeping continually sad. Just sad that I’m alone again. He made me smile.
My insecurities come back. Not quite as strong this time because really, in our 40s and divorced, we’re all injured souls. And I hadn’t invested too much of me in this.
He handled this well. No explanation, just a, “sorry it didn’t work.” But, maybe that’s better. I don’t like ugliness.
I’m getting the advice again – go out, let loose. Okay. I hear it. But that would mean
a) I’d have to be not fearful of disease or getting pregnant;
b) I’d have to be willing to get naked with just anyone – not an easy task for me at any age;
c) I’d have to be willing to lower my standards to be naked with the men who want to be naked with me for just one night.
Call me a snob or uptight or inhibited or whatever. I’ll gladly accept the labels. I am just not going to go out and be someone I’m not.
Not throwing stones at the people who do. We all deal with things differently. We all heal our wounds (and live our lives) differently.
One thing that I’ve found as true is that while time doesn’t erase the hurt, it does make it sting less.
Give me a short time and I’ll be ready to try again. Trying to learn a little from each experience along the way. If we don’t learn our lessons, we will repeat them. I learned from this. I’m thankful for the short time and I’ll learn something the next time, too.
Life truly is about the journey, isn’t it? And we need to keep moving forward.