Dating in our 40s: My Wish List

Long gone are the days of hanging with the girls looking for young, single guys who are not only physically attractive, but seem like they’re going somewhere in life. What I’m looking for now is just so different than what I was looking for 20 years ago. I think part of that is the biological, continuation of the species thing. I’m no longer concerned if he has a full head of hair (my ex didn’t anyway, so I guess that wasn’t a big deal), is tall and broad shouldered, certain color eyes/hair and instantly handsome to me.

Yes, I’m still looking for someone attractive to me, but that definition has certainly changed. I’m definitely not as thin as I once was. The birth of three children has changed my body, as has years of neglect of myself. I really can’t be as selective as I once was, nor can the over 40 men who have lived life. I take a bit of solace in that knowledge.

If I had to list what I’m looking for now it would include what I don’t wants, as well as what I do wants.

  • An intelligent mind (or at least someone I don’t have to explain things to).
  • A good sense of humor (someone who is at least a little twisted like I am).
  • Will love my kids (this is a MUST, not even negotiable).
  • Eyes that show emotion.
  • His own home of some sort (it doesn’t have to be huge, just his own).
  • An open mind (I welcome everyone into my life, unless you like to lie and cause harm to others, then you can hit the road. I want someone who will welcome my eclectic group of friends.)
  • Goals (at least knows where he’s going and hasn’t already stagnated before age 40).
  • Affectionate and knows how to love. (If I tried to expand on this, I’d write a book now. But there are people out there who have no clue.)
  • Likes animals (as I believe this truly is a huge sign of a person’s core).
  • Employed (at least employable, but I’d prefer employed with a decent job).
  • Likes to hold hands (this goes along with affectionate, but warrants additional attention because there are times in life when nothing beats holding hands).
  • Enjoys being outside.
  • Wants to travel (my soul literally aches to travel and I want someone who’d like to do so with me).
  • Able to fix things around the house at least as well as I can, but preferably MUCH better than I can.
  • Has learned from his past relationships and isn’t afraid to admit his mistakes. (This could be two separate items, but…)
  • Reliable.


Thinking back, this list is so completely different from 20 years ago when, biologically speaking I was looking for someone who’d make beautiful babies with me. And, I did accomplish that. Now, I’m looking for someone who I can grow old with. Someone I can picture myself sitting with far into our elderly years, talking, enjoying one another’s company. Someone I can count on.

I learned something incredibly valuable from the guy I’ve been dating for a couple of months. He set aside everything to tend to his father who had been battling cancer. The dedication he showed in regard to his family was amazing. It was the right thing to do and was so wonderful to see. I saw that same dedication between my father and stepmother during his heart surgery and her cancer battle. I want someone who loves me that much that he is willing to sit vigil for me, if God forbid, it’s necessary.

I have faith that I have many exciting years ahead of me. I’m not looking to continue the species now, so there is not biological clock ticking away the months I’m not married or in a relationship. I am in no rush. I’m looking for the right one. The one with whom I can have a more fulfilling life than I’ve ever had. I have faith that that kind of person is out there looking for someone like me. I am taking my time and enjoying the journey.



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