I’m very contemplative tonight. I’m proud of myself at this moment. Five months ago I found the courage to tell my husband of 16 years that I wanted a divorce. Four months ago he moved out. One and one-half months ago our divorce was finalized. Truly a whirlwind of events.
In the five months since I told him, I have
- started a new job
- assumed all bills including the mortgage on the house in which I live
- talked myself through this divorce
- talked my kids through what happened
- bought a new car/traded in my old one
- filed my own taxes (and got a great return)
- set up a new budget
- stepped down from anxiety medication I’ve been on for 8 years (hmmmm… interesting that I no longer need it, right?)
- met a nice guy
- painted a couple of rooms
- cleared out boxes and boxes of old papers
- started rebuilding a closer relationship with my mom
- re-organized furniture
- started writing again
- set plans for what I want to do with my property (some gardens, etc)
- made a handshake deal with a guy to chop down some trees that have needed to come down for over a year
- lost 15+ pounds (many more to go)
- fixed a broken couch
- fixed other random things that have broken around the house
- started weaving a hammock (yes, really… I’m eclectic, what can I say?)
- redecorated a bit
- found some items to put out on display that I had forgotten about
- had a great Christmas with my kids and my family
- started to be me again….
I am surprised at the changes that have occurred in just 5 months. I always recognized and repeated to others to be aware that life can change on a dime and it certainly has. If anyone had asked me last summer how I’d imagine my life as I approach my birthday this month, I don’t think this would be it. I know I wanted to be happy, but I didn’t know this is where I’d be. I am thankful for everything that has brought me to this point in my life. I am incredibly curious to see what the next 5 months will bring.
The leap of faith I took in early October, despite not having a parachute, an umbrella or even a coat to open up over my head to slow down my fall was so worth it. What wasn’t worth it was the anxiety and stress preceding the decision. Sometimes the best thing to do is just jump. My final decision was made in a day after contemplating it for too long, trying to make things work that just didn’t. When I look at what has happened since I took my leap, I know I did the right thing.
A friend of mine has been reassuring me that things fall into place when you are on the path what you are “meant” to be on. I’ve seen proof of this in small ways in the past. I see proof of this in how things have been coming together for me so quickly in such a short time. It’s been a whirlwind but a good one. Sometimes it’s best not to have time to think, just to do.
“Pirates of the Caribbean” is on the TV and my son just pointed something out. Jack Sparrow has a compass that shows him how to find his heart’s desire. It doesn’t show him North, South, East or West, it only shows him the direction to go. If we have the faith that we are going the correct direction, it doesn’t matter where we are headed. Enjoy the ride along the way and you’ll reach your goal soon enough. Trust. Have faith. Take the leap to follow your heart. You’ll get to wherever you are meant to be soon enough.